He That Would Keep A Secret Must Keep It Secret That He Hath A Secret To Keep

28 Aug

Well that’s another Bank Holiday gone. Like many other people we decided to spend it with family, my family to be precise. We had the usual fun, enlivened by trying to dodge the bullet about our decision to try for a baby in the not to distant future. Due to the possibility of needing to move house for a new job we very nearly gave the game away by saying why we would want/need a bigger place. We think our secret is safe for now – just.

During the drive to my parents my wife and I were talking about when we would like to tell our parents, friends etc. Of course, tradition dictates that we don’t tell anyone until 12 weeks after conception. So that puts my wife and I at a minimum of 4 months + 12 weeks before we can mention anything to anyone. That’s a shame really because I think that we would both like to let the cat out of the bag.

I know why the twelve week rule exists and its all very sensible and all but the point of this post is to see what other people do. When did/would you tell your family and friends that you are planning to try for, are trying for or are expecting a baby?

Now in my case, my wife will have to tell her boss at work the moment we start trying. This is due to the nature of her work – she doesn’t have a choice for health reasons. So that leaves when to tell friends and family. We decided that it would be unwise to tell anyone before we even start trying, no matter how exited we may be and hope we don’t trip up along the way.

We concluded that it might be nice to tell immediate family (parents, grandparents and siblings) over Christmas. This would be just after we start trying and should help make the Christmas holiday that extra bit special. The rest would have to wait till 12 weeks.

So, what would/did you do?
– Chris.

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5 Responses to “He That Would Keep A Secret Must Keep It Secret That He Hath A Secret To Keep”

  1. angiemae2401 August 28, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    We’re waiting… I’ve told a few friends that we are planning on starting to “officially try” within the next couple of months but that we don’t know if it’ll be all rainbows and roses. Of course, we have no idea how hard or easy it’ll be–it’s our first time LOL In the meantime we’re just enjoying the practice times :-)

    I know I won’t say anything for a while at work… my boss isn’t that easy going on the topic of women getting preggo and leaving the work force. We have two out on maternity leave right now and it’s not a good maternity leave either!

    My side of the family knows we want to try and get pregnant before Christmas (God willing). We’re not really speaking to his side about it because they are pretty nuts. LOL Just being honest here…

    I know once we are preggo I won’t say anything for a few weeks. Just to be on the safe side.

  2. father2bblog August 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm #

    Once again the similarities are very scary, although as we won’t be trying until December we will have to wait till then to tell people. The only big difference is that my family all think I hate babies and don’t want one. Given that until less than a month ago this was very much the official position, I think we will shock quite a few people with the news.

  3. Family Matters NZ August 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm #

    I’m not sure about giving people an exact date on when you’re starting to try. I think we said (with our first) “we’re thinking about trying for a baby next year” and deliberately kept it vague. Our close friends knew, because I wasn’t drinking! In terms of when to tell people once your wife is knocked up, here’s an alternate point of view. If (and we all hope this doesn’t happen, but you can’t predict) something goes wrong, wouldn’t it be easier to have the support of your nearest and dearest without having to go through the “we were expecting a baby but now we’re not”, or worse, not being able to say anything at all about why you’re so sad – and you will be sad.

    We did time our announcements a little bit. For instance, we found out we were expecting our first baby a week before our best friends got married. We wanted the week to be all about them, so held off telling anyone until after their wedding. And when we got pregnant with our blended family twins, we waited until Christmas to tell the older children, because by then we were 10 weeks and it was just less waiting time for them. And I think I waited to tell my Dad in person each time, so he didn’t find out straight away.

    But at the end of the day, you should work out what works for you. I am also crap at keeping my own secrets (can keep other people’s really well) so not telling anyone until 12 or 13 weeks just wasn’t a happening thing! Good luck!

  4. John August 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    We didn’t wait long to tell our folks (think we even told them we were trying). The 12 week rule is a good idea but more than that it’s nice to just enjoy it yourselves for a while, as soon as it’s out there people start giving advice (like this:P) which is nice but at least for the first few weeks it’s good to enjoy the thrill of it (and the fantasies about what parenthood will be like). All the best:)

  5. monthsbeforeyou September 4, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

    We told a few folks that we were “trying” – but mostly it was vague references to time “we’re thinking about trying once summer is coming to an end”….so pretty wide open. Now we are pregnant, and it’s good that we told some key people we were trying because it helps us keep our secret without having to do much explaining (about why i’m not drinking at our social events). We didn’t expect to get pregnant so quickly, so it took us both by surprise. I think we are planning to tell our immediate family in a few weeks (when i’m about 9-10 weeks along) and waiting to tell friends and extended family until the 1st trimester is over. I figured if something unfortunate happens, i would want the support of my family!

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